I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
