Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
