It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
