I need help removing her.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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