She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
