Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize