Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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