so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
