My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
