This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
