wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
