dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
