I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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