nutella sex= disaster
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
