i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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