Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
