the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
