u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
