apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
