I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
