"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
