But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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