3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
