next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
