3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
