god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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