Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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