Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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