i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
