Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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