you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize