Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
