Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
