Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
