Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
