the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
