I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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