Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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