Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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