thus making me awesome and them whores
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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