No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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