Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
