Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
