Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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