as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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