spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
