I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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