she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize