im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize