bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
