My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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