a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
