he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
