the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
