Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
