Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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