Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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