I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
