4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I came so hard my ears popped.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
