Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
