id be glad to
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My dick has a subreddit
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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