So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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