Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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