My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
