She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
