Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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