i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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