wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
