I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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