Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
