I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have post one night stand depression
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