Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He better not be in your backpack
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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