I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
