Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
