I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize