I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
