you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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