were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
