Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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