there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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