I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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