Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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