I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
