yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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