Say something about gay babies.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
