Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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