I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
