I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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