Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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