you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
