dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
