why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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