I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
