I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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