Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
