just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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